made of air

With blogs and twitter and facebook, and within those mediums, having fandoms and trending topics and threads, I feel like I’ve begun to lose little things about myself that made me who I am. 

There are plenty of things I enjoy and with the internet being what it is, it’s as if you have to share what you enjoy immediately and be adamant about how much you enjoy something to make you a true fan of it. As if you have to prove how much something means to you. Of course there are things I have no problem sharing—I hardly think I’ve kept secret my ridiculous love for Harry Potter—but other things I want to belong to me. But if I do that, if I keep those things to myself and allow them to be just for me, then when I do decide to share those things, I’m jumping on the bandwagon, I’m copying others, I’m late to the party, and therefore, I’m not cool. People go deeper than just what they talk about on their blogs. People have memories and traditions that aren’t meant to be shared, but they mean a lot, and they matter, and no one has the right to ridicule anyone for choosing to keep those things to themselves.

I like sharing things on blogs and twitter and I love enjoying things with friends but it’s starting to feel like I’m giving up so much of myself. It’s like I spend more time needing to prove how much I enjoy something rather than actually enjoying it. And that’s so not what life is supposed to be about.