holy crap miracles.

As I was driving to work, I was on the phone with my dad, telling him my plans to get a new car this week. I was going to do it. I was going to take the leap and make my finances work and yes, dad, this is a good idea, because my far might not last too much longer.

Wouldn’t you know that just then, my car broke down.

My anxiety disorder makes it very difficult for me to deal with things that pop up without warning; I don’t adapt too well, nor do I deal with crisis with the most optimistic outlook.

“Shit, Becca,” my dad kept saying, for understandable reasons.

“It’s okay,” I said. “I’ll figure this out. I’ll make some calls and let you know what happens.  Don’t worry.”

And then I did. I called around, figured some things out, and tomorrow, I’m going to attempt to get financed for a car. 

Here’s what it comes down to: I have no control over anything except my attitude. This absolutely sucks, and I’m very nervous about what will happen and I’m genuinely sad that my car is currently on the side of the road, cold and alone. But whether or not my car ever starts again, whether or not I get a car tomorrow, whether or not anything works out is out of my hands. There’s enough time for me to frown when I’m disappointed in myself because of my choices and my mistakes. I don’t need to waste time being angry at destiny, karma, or forces greater than me. 

Today I learned that optimism isn’t always silly. It gets you through another day. It helps you survive. And maybe tomorrow will go well, and maybe it will be a disaster. Either way, I will survive it…so why not smile?